I am definitely not a fan of this time of the year and have been trying to rationalise my antipathy. It hasn't been difficult, but rather than ranting I thought I'd simply list some of the immediate and obvious things that came to mind, in no particular order.
1. Dead leaves. They are everywhere and form a slippery mush all over the pavements. I sweep them up and minutes later the little buggers are back. Trees should be made to shed them all at once so we can get it all over and done with.
2. Stupid decorations. It seems that everyone has watched the National Lampoons Family Christmas, and missed the irony. Just think how much energy could be saved if there was a blanket ban on this nonsense. Flashing multicoloured LEDs have no meaning whatsoever and only serve to remind us that it is dark.
3. Dark days and darker nights.
4. Acquisitiveness gone crazy. The shops fill with garbage that people feel obliged to buy in order to make it Christmas. It is just one day for goodness sake, and the majority of the population have no belief in the myth that inspired it, choosing instead to propagate the alternative fat man myth.
5. Christmas hypocrisy. The number of people that go to church on christmas eve - just because it is traditional. Genital mutilation is traditional in some countries, that doesn't make it right.
6. Pantomimes. These are intrinsically bad; actors that died years ago are dragged out to perform badly written shows in front of audiences that are brought up on X factor, Strictly come dancing and other bad shows, in the hope of rekindling careers that never shone in the first place.
7. Politicians. Seeing their own careers coming to an end, politicians of all parties attempt to rally some sort of misplaced christmas spirit.
8. Drunks. Office parties abound and the pavements become cluttered with vomit and bottles as well as those incapable of walking. Getting drunk has become a lifestyle rather than an accident of over exuberance.
9. The weather. It is cold and wet and bloody miserable, unless it snows, then of course everything comes to a grinding halt and it is just cold and miserable.
10. The year ends. This is seen as something to celebrate, and for some reason people think that the new year will be different from this one, and in a good way. They thought the same thing last year.
I take this opportunity to wish my reader a happy christmas and a prosperous new year in the full knowledge that whatever I say cannot possibly make one iota of difference. (What is an iota anyway?)
1. Dead leaves. They are everywhere and form a slippery mush all over the pavements. I sweep them up and minutes later the little buggers are back. Trees should be made to shed them all at once so we can get it all over and done with.
2. Stupid decorations. It seems that everyone has watched the National Lampoons Family Christmas, and missed the irony. Just think how much energy could be saved if there was a blanket ban on this nonsense. Flashing multicoloured LEDs have no meaning whatsoever and only serve to remind us that it is dark.
3. Dark days and darker nights.
4. Acquisitiveness gone crazy. The shops fill with garbage that people feel obliged to buy in order to make it Christmas. It is just one day for goodness sake, and the majority of the population have no belief in the myth that inspired it, choosing instead to propagate the alternative fat man myth.
5. Christmas hypocrisy. The number of people that go to church on christmas eve - just because it is traditional. Genital mutilation is traditional in some countries, that doesn't make it right.
6. Pantomimes. These are intrinsically bad; actors that died years ago are dragged out to perform badly written shows in front of audiences that are brought up on X factor, Strictly come dancing and other bad shows, in the hope of rekindling careers that never shone in the first place.
7. Politicians. Seeing their own careers coming to an end, politicians of all parties attempt to rally some sort of misplaced christmas spirit.
8. Drunks. Office parties abound and the pavements become cluttered with vomit and bottles as well as those incapable of walking. Getting drunk has become a lifestyle rather than an accident of over exuberance.
9. The weather. It is cold and wet and bloody miserable, unless it snows, then of course everything comes to a grinding halt and it is just cold and miserable.
10. The year ends. This is seen as something to celebrate, and for some reason people think that the new year will be different from this one, and in a good way. They thought the same thing last year.
I take this opportunity to wish my reader a happy christmas and a prosperous new year in the full knowledge that whatever I say cannot possibly make one iota of difference. (What is an iota anyway?)
