Either I am bored or I have a real bout of verbal squits today. I seem to just write, either emails or blogs and the flow has yet to be staunched.
Ok back to 1971 and the transition from Alton to the Island. Oddly I have no recollection of that summer except that I moved into Princes street, where i was to share a small terraced house with John initially, and later Keith was to join us. It was good to have a little more space and it wasn't far from the school, so I had no need for a car. Just as well really as I had, despite DI's best efforts, so far failed to pass a driving test.
The neighbours were elderly folk who really were not quite prepared for what they were about to receive. However they were very kind and helpful, and saw us as boys of their own. Apart from being a clean and tidy place, we were both quite domesticated, the house was ideal for parties, and Princes street parties became legendary... tbc

meetings

I should be in a meeting right now. It is at the community club, literally within spitting distance along the road. I am hiding and refusing to attend. When I left work, I decided that never again would i mark students work, and never again would i attend pointless, bureaucratic meetings.

I really hate any meeting that involves more than 4 people. I choose four as a fairly arbitrary number, but fundamentally, as each person has an opinion, to which they are entitled, but the trouble is, that they all want to express it! I have been in meetings with twelve people with at least 15 opinions and discussions become meaningless, pointless and so fricking frustrating. All that ever came out of such gatherings was more work, and copious minutes that no-one ever read.

The most productive meetings involve the least people. I find that discussions with myself yield amazing results.

Oh well, by now it should be over, so i think I will wander round and find out what they have decided they want me to do.

Yuk

I am drinking a cup of coffee after having been to a friend's house, to disconnect his washing machine. He is moving tomorrow and as he is partially sighted, he couldn't see the washing machine let alone the plumbing. I feel a bit guilty for writing this but it won't stop me. Once i begin, I just can't seem to stop myself.

I had to come home quickly and wash my hands, I felt like i should have a hot bath, but as we don't have one, i couldn't. His house is, to say the least, filthy. While finding the electrical socket, i discovered that the kitchen cupboards are infested with mice, and the only reason I can imagine why there were not more of them is that half of the space is wet, and the rest, just unimaginably filthy. The carpet in the kitchen is probably designated as an area of Special Scientific Interest and i'd guess may have the makings of a wildlife sanctuary. It seems capable of independent movement and like pub carpets in days of old, it sticks to the feet.

The house smells so bad, I feel like retching every time I go in, and cannot wait to escape. It was not always thus, and it seems that as his sight has deteriorated, he has completely let go and abdicated any sort of responsibility for the care and attention of both the house and himself. It is so sad, and as i write this i feel guilty that I cannot do anything to help him. I know in my heart of hearts, that the now pristine house that he is moving into tomorrow will gradually go the same way, and I don't envy the lady who is letting the house. Equally i don't envy his ex wife who is later on this week, moving into the squalour that he will be leaving behind. I think the kindest thing would be to set fire to the place - it would certainly improve the smell.

I have been trying to marshall some memories of that first year of teaching. I recall some of the faces of students and staff but few of the names. I remember my bedsit quite well. I was on the top floor and remember that when it rained, a large water filled blister used to appear on the ceiling. I remember that the kitchen was on a turn in the stairs and had to be shared with two other residents, but they rarely cooked. I remember that the bathroom was two flights down and that there were a couple who always went in there together.

I remember an incident when i was on playground duty. The building plan was quite complex and it was impossible to be or see everywhere. One day I became aware of a lot of kids running in the same direction. Oddly towards me! It became clear that they were running away from something or someone. I continued against the stream and before long came face to face with the cause!

The resident loony was after them, only this time, someone had gone too far. He had a piece of wood with a nail through it, and wanted very much to maim someone. Now some people would have reacted to this, but I didn't. Somehow everything seemed to slow down and I just stood in his pathway, holding my thin plastic cup of tea. He stopped, and when i asked him for the weapon, he obliged and simply walked away. I think it is what I expected him to do, but I could also have been very lucky.

Another outstanding incident was the day that there was a delivery of metal rods for the metalwork shop. My experienced colleague decided that he'd use this as an opportunity for some real maths. He got his group of lads to check the delivery against the invoice. So armed with measuring tapes the lads set to. When they were done, they excitedly told the teacher that they were short. There was a good metre missing. So he told the lads to take each of the rods in turn, to pull and stretch them and then to measure again. So these burly misfits were seen to take hold of these 1/4 inch steel rods and one on each end, give each one a hard pull.

This took them a good half hour and when they had finished, they remeasured, and of course this time their measurements agreed with the invoice. To this day those lads probably believe that they stretched that metal.

While i was there, i took a job as a Census Enumerator and that involved the issuing of census forms and their collection and checking. Never before had i realised the degree of inbreeding or the levels of illiteracy in the population. Such an eye opener.

I did enjoy my time at the school, but after a while the bedsit became intolerable, and as i could afford nothing else there, i decided it would be best to move on, so when a job came up on the Island, I took it and really I guess that was a big turning point in my life.

vegetables

I am an atheist. I do try however, not to belittle or disrespect others for their religious beliefs, and would certainly never feel the need to go door to door trying to convince others that my viewpoint is the right one. I feel no need to check in with an imaginary friend before I do anything and certainly have no wish to seek out other atheists and have meetings in expensive buildings, in order to feel that I am living my life in the way that I should.

Vegetarianism seems to me to be a form of religion too. Have you noticed that, whenever a vegetarian comes to dinner, you have to provide a special vegetarian meal for them? What happens when you get invited back? Do they provide a non vegetarian dish for you? Like hell they do! Eating with vegetarians is like partaking in the last supper, and though I have nothing against vegetables, I have met many in my time, having some sort of choice is always nice, and having someone else's philosophy stuffed down my throat does not appeal much.

Some vegetarians are so self righteous, and have all sorts of reasons not to consume meat. I have yet to find one who does not wear leather shoes though.

Ok i can see the ecological point of eating vegetables. It takes a lot less land to provide vegetables than it does meat, and of course mass production of animals has become a very unsavoury business, with veal crates, battery hens, pigs that never see daylight and so on, not to mention the methane that cattle produce, adding to the greenhouse effect, but at the same time, where would we be without those animals. If we didn't eat them, they would not be there. Not many people want cows as pets, and fewer still a bull. The world would change significantly and there would be no need to keep green fields anymore. They would soon fill up with council estates, providing cheap homes for the fast breeding population and with all the pulses that they'd have to eat, farting would become an olympic event. We'd all be eating sawdust and tofu sausages with quorn based bacon. (That stuff is so revolting!)

Now i am sure that there are plenty of people out there who are closet vegetarians, and who do not conform to my own personal stereotype. I wish them well and would never try to feed them meat. Now i have written this, I don't suppose that they will be offering me vegetables either. At least I hope not!

Alton2

So, there I was in my first ever full time job, responsible for a class of students and for the first time ever, responsible for myself too. No more would I have the luxury of a cleaner who not only cleaned my room and made my bed every day, but who also brought me morning tea. I often wonder what happened to her; I guess that she has long since passed away.

Now i had rent to pay, food to choose and cook, washing and ironing, as well as gruesome work like preparation and marking to do. One of the hardest things to do was getting up early every day and getting to work on time. It wasn't like college days when, if you didn't fancy going in, you could stay in bed. There were implications should you not get there on time. Only once was I late for work, and that isn't bad in 34 years. It was in my first year, there in Alton, and I awoke one morning at 11.30. I had no excuse at all, i just failed to wake up and that is that. I ambled in at lunchtime to meet the wrath of my colleagues who had had to cover for me and none of whom had any sympathy for me at all. I was chastened and that lesson stayed with me always.

I settled into a routine and made a few good friends. Caroline and Di were new teachers too, and they had a house some miles out of the town. Di also had a van - a green Austin A35 which she allowed me to drive from time to time - amazing really as i had not passed a driving test at the time. I learned quite a lot about driving then and am grateful to Di to this day for her trust and generosity.

The students at Alton were a mixed bunch really, most of whom were nice kids but most of whom had got all they were ever going to get from being in school. Our job was to contain them and probably entertain them for a year, so that they could eventually leave and become pillars of the community. I had to teach some Rural Science (gardening) of which I knew almost as little as they did, games, and Drama. Fundamentally it was all about bluff. I needed to convince them that I knew what I was doing, and it seemed to work. I must confess that I enjoyed the Drama lessons most of all. To say that they were structured and informed would be an exaggeration. To say that the kids learned much about drama would be a lie, but they did have a whale of a time.

Having got to know the students quite well and making sure that the psychopaths were not present that day. I decided to allow the group a little more freedom than usual, and split them into groups with the task of improvising small plays that would be performed later in front of the rest. They scattered to various parts of the old building in order to prepare, and I wandered around trying to locate them all and to offer words of encouragement or advice. I did find one group who seemed to be getting on ok. They were the misfits who had aggregated as misfits often do, but of the rest I could find no trace. They were quiet - too quiet and for a moment I believed that they may have absconded. However, before long I heard a cheer and applause. MIsguidedly I thought that they were really entering into the spirit of things, and so I followed the cheers which were coming from the old library.

I went in and sure enough they were all there standing around one of the old oak tables, and there, gyrating like experienced pole dancers, were two of the more "popular" girls doing a strip tease. Both were down to their underwear as i entered the room. I was almost speechless but did manage to overcome a moment of panic and broke up the party. The girls grabbed their clothing and vanished into the toilets to get dressed. That was the last free drama lesson they had.

That same year I learned many lessons. I am not a very scary person as those who know me will agree. One day I had a class of second year students, who had been bussed to the annexe for a science lesson. Second years were 12 yr olds and this class were fairly docile apart from one lad called Damian. (Cue scary music!) Damian didn't really have much awareness of where the line was and had crossed it far too many times that day, so i kept him back after the others had gone and decided to let rip at him. I didn't actually lose my temper but he thought that I had, and as I watched the blood drain from his face, I also became aware of a puddle forming on the floor beneath his feet. I was mortified and whatever anger I did feel was turned to pity in an instant. Poor lad had to go back to the main school on the bus with wet trousers. I never had to speak with him again after that day.

रेग्रेट्स

Last night, for no discernable reason, I got drunk!
The evening started normally with dinner and a glass of wine and then off went the brain and on came a movie. During which a friend called and was feeling a bit lost, so he joined in with a few more glasses of wine and when that had gone, out came the brandy and so the evening wore off.

We ended up watching Pink Floyd and stupidly listening to songs that I really should avoid at such times, however we all make mistakes and so the evening progressed. When said friend got up to go home, it was around 1 am and he fell over, twice before i got him out of the door and watched his meandering departure down the drive. He made it to the road safely, waved and vanished into the night. I guess I should have seen him home, but then he'd have had to see me back again so it was sensible to leave him to it.

I guess that I was celebrating the last day before my birthday, and although it shouldn't bother me any more, i still don't like birthdays. Each one seems like a stepping stone and one closer to a destination that I am not ready to reach.

Needless to say, today I am regretting yesterdays choices.

changes

I have made a decision. This year, i am going to try much harder to be positive. It won't be easy for me, but I am going to make huge efforts to avoid blogging when my mind is in the dark places that I sometimes find myself. Although I feel that when i am there, in the slough of despond, my mind does seem more focussed and I can write more fluently, (some might say effluently!) I know that I can be very negative. I will try to put the bad things away and maybe my words will be easier to digest.

I have been trying to follow the political events in the USA, and watching the front runners in the Democrats struggle to elect a potential president. I don't know a Caucus from a telegraph pole, but have been intrigued by the antics of the two contenders battling it out and weakening themselves and each other in equal proportions. Like many people outside America, and also many people inside, I hope that the next presidential elections will see a return to a Democrat government, and a huge turn around in foreign policy as a result.

Recent events though give more concern for worry than for hope. In order for a Democrat to be elected president, America will have to choose between a Woman, and a Black man. I don't think that middle America is likely to be ready for either of those choices. The Bible belt must already be panicking and will be ready to vote for anything as long as it prevents the democrats from getting back in.

Personally, i believe that either Obama or Clinton would be a big improvement on what they have now, but at the same time, like Bush, whoever holds the keys to the white house will be a puppet of the vested interest administration, who are owned and driven by the big corporations. Changes may not be quite as drastic as we would all like them to be.

Change is sometimes harder than it appears to be, and in order for that to happen, an individual must really want it to. The same is true of peoples. I hope that the average American wants a change and sees the need for that.

alton

So I found myself in Alton, a small market town in North Hampshire. Twenty one years old and just a suitcase for company. I thought that finding a room would be easy, after all, at college the rooms came by themselves and I hadn't even needed to look. Alton was different. Having arrived, I booked into a hotel for the night and left my suitcase there while I walked the streets looking for somewhere to stay. Term began in three days, so I was pretty desperate.

The first place I found was a room in a family house that was offered for a meagre sum of money. Calling it a room, was a bit of an exaggeration but it was cheaper than the hotel, and having found nothing else, agreed to take it on a day to day basis. I moved in the following day and found that there wasn't room for both myself and the suitcase. The room was as long as the bed and I was longer than both. The lady however was very kind and it was a place to sleep. After a long search, i did find a bedsitting room, above a photographers shop in the high street, and within 24 hours i had moved in to my new abode, where i was to live in semi squalour for the next year. It was an attic room with sloping ceilings, a leaky roof, a streetlight next to the window, and furniture that had seen better days a long time since. However it was home and I could begin my new career as a responsible classroom teacher.

The annexe to which I had been appointed was a good mile away from the main school and I arrived in plenty of time to meet my new colleagues and to be shown around. May I say at this point that in those days we were not interviewed by a school. Having finished college, we had applied to local Authorities and my only interview had been with hampshire county council. They had a list of vacancies and I was given a job at a school that I had never seen.

The annexe was a large victorian house and grounds, in which were prefabricated classrooms, gardens and tennis courts. The main house was largely out of use, but we did have a staffroom and a library of sorts. there were three of us in the full time team, and one or two others who popped in on a part time basis. This was the place where those about to leave school, with no qualifications, were to spend their last 12 months. Needless to say, they were not the most highly motivated students in the world. Most were nice kids from tough families and a few were just barking mad.

I now had a class of my own, for whom I was in some ways responsible. I learned quickly how to mark a register and all of the other little tasks that they never bother to teach you at college, and settled into a routine that I soon found was teaching me a lot more than i was teaching them.

जोब्स

I keep promising myself that I will press on and finish the task that I set myself in this blog. That was to record the events of my life that I can recall, while omitting the most life changing ones, ie the relationships. It isn't easy to leave them out but I am trying. I would say that any relationship is a worthwhile experience, and that from each one we bring something and we take something. One thing that is clear to me is that I remember every one of them with a startling clarity, and perhaps that is why I choose not to write them down.

Mostly so far I have dwelled on the formative years of my life, and in them i include my college days. College was a place that i went hoping to grow up, and I suppose on that I scored about 6/10. College was a rollercoaster ride and included some of the highs and also some of the lowest points of my life. It is easy to talk about them in glowing terms, and indeed, they were some of the best days of my life. In the end though, it was three years in total and in the great scheme of things, probably not of great significance. I did meet my wife to be there, and that is all i will say about that.

I left college in the summer of 1970 and by now, any chances of me going home were pretty slim. I found a holiday job working in a bar on the Isle of Wight, where I spent the summer. My boss, found me a room - a tiny box without a window, in someone's house. It was grim but then I only slept there and not for long either. The work day began at 10am and we were there to clean the bar, restock and then open in time for lunch. The lunch session finished at 2pm and we were provided with lunch. The afternoon was usually spent sleeping on the beach, or grabbing a quick shower back at the boxroom, and then we'd be back at 5 for the start of the evening shift. Again we'd grab some food before hitting the bar for a 6 o'clock opening. In the evenings there was a band - a group of ancient players called "The Gay Bachelors!" They played what the early evening punters wanted to hear I guess, but the same things night after night. It seemed to make the night go slower if anything. They would play until 11pm and then a DJ would appear and the disco would begin and go on until 1am. Most of the night the largely drunken clientelle were six deep at the bar and very demanding. By closing time I was exhausted and believe me i earned every single penny of the thirty pounds a week.

It was the summer of the great Pop Festival, and Jimi Hendix's last public performance. We did go to look at the site but the festival passed me by, as did the 600,000 hippies that turned up to make it so memorable for so many.

The summer went quickly and I had a job to go to. I had been appointed to a High school in Alton, Hants, where i was to be based in an annexe along with the ne'er do wells, the then fourth year leavers. So I left the pub and headed back to the mainland and began the search for accommodation.

2008

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.

The English language is made so much more colourful by little sayings and truisms that may be lost on people not intimately familiar with it.

I have been ill since before December 25th. I guess that I was struck down by one of the many pernicious Viruses that the air seems filled with at this time of the year. It started with a sore throat and progressed from there, through a range of symptoms that I will not begin to describe, but suffice it to say that I have not eaten for four days.

Having a fair knowledge of the workings of the human body and the nasty things that can happen to it, means that I am always on the lookout for trouble, and so during the course of this recent bout of misery, i have imagined all sorts of causes for the series of discomforts that i have been through. Having a headache while feeling sick, got me looking for a rash that didn't exist, and a cramp in my right arm gave me a momentary cause for panic.

I am not a hypochondriac, in fact I am quite the reverse in the main. I will do anything to avoid taking pills and medicines, and have to be dragged screaming and kicking to visit doctors and hospitals, but the imagination is a scary thing and being a pessimist, I always imagine the worst possible scenario.

I am at a stage in life now where any illness could potentially be my last. In biological terms, i am redundant and therefore just a burden on the ecosystem. To all intents and purposes I am useless and therefore it is natural that my resources should be returned for recycling. Knowing this does help a little and I do not fear death. I fear the process of dying as I guess we all do, but I no longer have a sense that I have more to achieve.

This all sounds terribly maundlin, and was not what I set out to write but I guess it is time I tried to ingest more fuel. Maybe then i will feel more positive and ready to face a challenge, should any be put in my way.

One day, there will be a final entry in this blog, such things are inevitable. If this should be it then thank you for reading it.