Coming and going

People come into and leave our lives all of the time. I have been lucky enough to have met a large number of wonderful people, most of whom have sat before me in classrooms. Of course not all of them were in any way close and our relationship was both fleeting and professional, but nevertheless our lives did brush for an instant in time and we may have learned a little from each other.
As we grow from infant to child and from child to adult it is probable that more come into our lives than leave; I can still remember becoming aware of the finite nature of existence when just a boy, and being told of the demise of an elderly neighbour who i was quite fond of. The memory is crystal clear and the profound nature of that realisation represented a real turning point in my consciousness. He had gone. Forever. The end. Even then I had no belief in afterlives; those concepts are there to comfort those who fear death and cannot handle not being here. A hundred years ago, none of us were here. We did not exist by any definition of the word and in another hundred years we will be in the same state and the world will have moved on.
I am at the stage when few people come into my life, and those that do are often not welcome. Many people that I have cared about have gone; some have died and others simply gone along different pathways. Just a select few remain and those I value beyond material things.
I am not easy company, and do not make friends at all well anymore. I share my mind with very few and my feelings with less, and guess that makes me at best self centred. I rue some of my past and some of the friends that I have lost and have learned much about trust, and feel that on days like today, that I have changed little over the years. I am self contained to a great extent and realise that I will probably never feel fulfilled, but that is true of most people so there is no cause for complaint.
In just over a month my daughter is expecting her first child and I am looking forward to meeting someone new. I hope that this new life will be one filled with good things, but mainly that he or she will, when she gets to my age feel a sense of accomplishment and that their life has been well lived. Good luck little one, you will need it.