Quandary

I have a friend, ( ok don't look surprised, some people do you know! ) that i have known for many years. We have never been close, but he always had a sense of humour and was fun to be with. We share a taste in music, a certain amount of history and a few mutual friends.

In recent years his eyesight has diminished, due to a genetic disorder and now he sees very little, or so he would have us believe. He lives alone and seems to manage to get around in daylight, but is very hampered by darkness. Consequently he is becoming increasingly reliant on the goodwill and help of others. I am perfectly happy to do odd jobs for him, and even run him to the doctor or the dentist from time to time, but he is becoming more and more demanding.

Several years ago, he signed up with an agency that puts him in touch with young and available eat european women. Each week he would receive the CVs (resumées) of a number of nubile and gorgeous women, all of whom seem to be willing to do anything to get their hands on an English man. Now I find this very odd in the first place, but he insists that this company will find him the woman of his dreams and that she will marry him and look after him. It all seems to go in cycles, he chooses a short list and sends it in. They invite these women to come to see him. One will agree and arrange to visit on a specified date. He gets excited and when the day comes - she has not been able to make it. Reasons include surprising lack of Visa, inability to afford ticket, lost in Vienna, etc etc. THis has been going on now for three years and all he has to show for his money is a few well thumbed photos, and a diminished bank account. All of us have pointed out the pit that he is digging but he insists that he wants a Russian, Ukranian, Georgian, whatever, woman to cater for his needs. He has failed to tell them about his disability altogether! I worry that one day one might turn up, take one look and vanish immediately.

That is not my problem however and if he chooses to dream and have those dreams shatterered on a regular basis then so be it.

My quandary lies elsewhere. He is becoming a nuisance. To begin with, he is letting himself go in terms of hygeine and appearance. He is dirty, his clothes are rarely washed and he smells. His fingernails are long and ragged and utterly filthy, and the source of that filth appears to be something unspeakable within the confines of this blog. He drinks heavily and is clearly suffering with chronic depression. He refuses to do anything about it except that he calls people on the phone once he is in his cups. This can be very late at night. He started with me, and I am afraid that I give him very little time on the phone, and eventually i gave up answering him during the night.

He has now turned his attention to someone else. And phones her several times a day. She is softer than i and will listen to him, or should I say would listen to him. She has now taken to ignoring the calls to, but he persists and leaves long and rambling messages on her phone. Whenever we meet he grabs her and slobbers all over her and franky she is not happy. So much so that she is now avoiding coming over here in case he is there.

He has a very short fuse and does not take criticism well. I don't know what to do. He is already depressed and I do not want to push him over the edge of that dark pit. I know it all too well. I feel that I should confront him with what is making him into someone that everyone avoids, but I don't. That in turn makes me feel that I am taking a cowardly stance. I do not want to take on all his issues and problems and yet I feel so sorry for him. What can I do?