waiting

I am not very good at waiting, though I seem to spend a lot of my time doing just that. At the moment I am waiting to meet an appointment at the hospital to discover the outcome of my CT scan. I know that being nervous is pointless but I do admit to having the faintest flutterings of butterflies in my stomach, and am making more trips to the little room next door than normal.

It is the whole hospital thing again. I really get very worked up at the prospect of going back in there every time, and even though I know that it is only a consultation, it makes no difference.

I hate impunctuality, so of course I will be there early. i will find a seat in the waiting room as far from anyone as possible and I will sit nonchalantly reading a woman's magazine, (there are never any others!) and pretend to be comfortable and relaxed. All the time though my insides will be in turmoil.

I will listen and nod as the results are explained to me and when i come out I will think of countless questions that I should have asked, and by then of course it will be too late.

In a couple of hours that part will all be done and dusted and I thin have to wait for the day of the surgery. That however isn't for a few weeks and so for now i will bury it and bring it out again nearer the time.

For some strange reason i am reminded of an experience i had when waiting for a bus. Two women were talking about the death of a neighbour, the bus was late and the conversation was more interesting than the rain - One woman asked the other what he had died of. The other's reply was astonishing - Nothing serious, just his heart!! I still cannot be sure what was going on in her head, but that has stayed with me all those years.

Anyway This has passed some time and in a few minutes i can set off. Wish me luck!