Every now and then I leave the shelter and security of my little space and venture into the big bad world. Sometimes it is through necessity and rarely through choice. Visiting old friends is worth the effort and the weekend was fun, despite the tedious drive west.
On friday night we went to the Sheldonian Theatre in Oxford for a sublime concert by the Birmingham Symphony Orchestra. That however is not what I want to talk about.
The evening began with a drink in a pub very close to the venue. It was raining hard and the pub seemed inviting with plenty of time before the concert began. It was a very small pub, dark and very full. There was only standing room near to the bar and even that was very limited. The bar itself was rather like a corridor and for the first time that I can recall, I began to feel very claustrophobic. I was being jostled from all directions and it was impossible to move to a space. I hated the feeling and could not wait to get out. No-one else seemed bothered and so I had no choice but to tolerate the situation. I do seem to be able to engage in a sort of self hypnosis that enables me to detach from unpleasant situations such as the dentist's chair, and that seemed to work. Once outside I was fine and we joined the queue to get into the concert hall.
The Sheldonian is a wonderful building, more or less circular and quite austere in terms of seating comfort. There are no numbered seats, in fact there are no proper seats at all; it has a series of large steps that serve as seats. We got in fairly early and chose seats at the front of the balcony with a good view over the orchestra. All was fine, if Spartan for a while but as the performance time grew closer, the place filled to capacity and then beyond. More and more people squeezed in and had to sit anywhere that they could. My space got smaller and smaller and soon I had people sitting on my feet and others with their knees in my back. My levels of anxiety were as high as I can remember them ever being, and had it been possible to escape easily I think I would have done, however the programme began and there was no choice other than to sit very still, in an uncomfortable posture and try to focus on the music. By the time of the interval, those behind had clearly had enough and left, and so the second half of the concert was a very different experience and by the end I could relax. I was still more than glad to get out into the rain however and even the crowded pavements seemed to offer relief.
I seem to be losing my ability to be with other people. There was a time when crowds did not bother me, but now they do and I know that I will try very hard to avoid putting myself through that again. Having said that, next month we have tickets for the O2 and that will involve a much bigger crowd than were at the Sheldonian on friday. I look forward to that with some trepidation.
On friday night we went to the Sheldonian Theatre in Oxford for a sublime concert by the Birmingham Symphony Orchestra. That however is not what I want to talk about.
The evening began with a drink in a pub very close to the venue. It was raining hard and the pub seemed inviting with plenty of time before the concert began. It was a very small pub, dark and very full. There was only standing room near to the bar and even that was very limited. The bar itself was rather like a corridor and for the first time that I can recall, I began to feel very claustrophobic. I was being jostled from all directions and it was impossible to move to a space. I hated the feeling and could not wait to get out. No-one else seemed bothered and so I had no choice but to tolerate the situation. I do seem to be able to engage in a sort of self hypnosis that enables me to detach from unpleasant situations such as the dentist's chair, and that seemed to work. Once outside I was fine and we joined the queue to get into the concert hall.
The Sheldonian is a wonderful building, more or less circular and quite austere in terms of seating comfort. There are no numbered seats, in fact there are no proper seats at all; it has a series of large steps that serve as seats. We got in fairly early and chose seats at the front of the balcony with a good view over the orchestra. All was fine, if Spartan for a while but as the performance time grew closer, the place filled to capacity and then beyond. More and more people squeezed in and had to sit anywhere that they could. My space got smaller and smaller and soon I had people sitting on my feet and others with their knees in my back. My levels of anxiety were as high as I can remember them ever being, and had it been possible to escape easily I think I would have done, however the programme began and there was no choice other than to sit very still, in an uncomfortable posture and try to focus on the music. By the time of the interval, those behind had clearly had enough and left, and so the second half of the concert was a very different experience and by the end I could relax. I was still more than glad to get out into the rain however and even the crowded pavements seemed to offer relief.
I seem to be losing my ability to be with other people. There was a time when crowds did not bother me, but now they do and I know that I will try very hard to avoid putting myself through that again. Having said that, next month we have tickets for the O2 and that will involve a much bigger crowd than were at the Sheldonian on friday. I look forward to that with some trepidation.
No comments:
Post a Comment