tears

Thanking my readers for their kind and useful comments, I continue; my week actually getting worse. I have hesitated to write about this but sometimes writing things down can help. I rarely cry. I have an ability to bury my emotions and not allow others to know what I feel. Tears were always seen as a sign of weakness and i guess that old habits die hard. Tuesday night I cried and cried, I couldn't help it. It was my daughters birthday, she is on holiday in New York and on tuesday her husband called to tell us that she had miscarried their first baby and was in a hospital. We didn't even know that she was pregnant.

Pragmatically I know that these things happen all the time and that there are usually good biological reasons as to why they happen. I know that pregnancy is hard to maintain and that the overall chances of coming to term are far smaller than most people think, but it doesn't help. She is heartbroken of course, but she will move on, always associating her birthday with her own personal tragedy, but at least she is ok and today flies home. I feel a need to hold her but that will have to wait until next week.

Oh I also spoke to my sister yesterday. She had just fallen downstairs and was in a lot of pain. I now can't get any response from her on either landline or mobile! It is a good job that I don't believe in a God, or I might begin to feel persecuted!